Monday, December 15, 2008

The CEO, Pope Vince the III




The CEO Pope Vince the III, is the 5th installment in the FBW series.

"The open wound with a smart mouth."

Vince's wrestling is characterized by profound alienation and disillusionment coated with a thin veneer of unnecessarily vicious sarcasm.

Vince from Purchasing had a long and humiliating career in the FBW, working as a Junior Purchasing Agent, Wrestler, and Taunter for The Corporate Takeover from May 1990 to June 2008, when he was murdered and then fired by Corporate Phil.

Vince from Purchasing believed in communism, the personal hostility of the universe to each of its inhabitants, sunshine, blueberry muffins, that bunnies are bad, that Morlocks are 2 sexy, and that life provided no greater opportunity for suffering than LOVE.

Prone to head injuries and compound drug addictions, his one noteworthy accomplishment was gaining the love of a great woman (or maybe two) -- something he immediately squandered by dying tragically (This death also prevented him from assuming the position of President of Canada.)

Dead Vince was resurrected by the combined efforts of the Morlock Health Service and friends in The Resurrection, whom he immediately began to systematically betray and alienate in an unfortunate series of pointless feuds and unsavory seduction attempts. Using the name Mr. Ektid to misdirect his enemies (get it?... Mis ter Ek tid?), Vince was rehired by The Corporate Takeover shipping department. He was soon murdered once again for no discernible reason and was fired again by TCT a few weeks later (even though his job performance had improved significantly after his death).

Now as Mr. Ekdead, Vince became a wretched and pathetic specter haunting the FBW and hitting on its women with ever-decreasing success. Taken in by kind degenerates at Grove Street, dead Vince once again managed to alienate friends with unnecessary feuding. Vince has now returned to life through the ill-considered actions of the Dr. Feisty Bombshell, who has reanimated his corpse and replaced his damaged and missing body parts with new parts cloned from a stunningly unfortunate selection of wrestlers: Phil's corporate heart, THE CEO's sinister left frontal lobe, Pennywise's enlarged spleen, Fury's infamous sweat glands, Hades's sultry adam's apple, and Stallion's horse's ass. So Vince is back, babies. With a vengeance.


(He is also Pope.)